Of Crushes, getting crushed & asking out

The other day I was talking to one of my closest friends. Every now and again he would come and tell me that he’s madly in love with some damsel and then after a few weeks the name would have changed. It made me wonder about the ephemeral span of his relationships especially when it took me more than a year of hardship to get over. In fact it did make me realize the reverse of 'if you run after something, it further runs away from you' -that when you try to run away from something it stalks you.

Upon questioning him about his Oshoic behaviour (clarifying that I had discounted the hormones), he said – “I love the feeling when I ask a girl out – the possibility of a yes or a no". Of course all the honesty evaporated when he said that the latter had never happened.

The same day dad asked me if I liked the girl who we had gone to see for my cousin. I felt it would be unfair on my part to judge a person based on a 5 minute chit-chat amidst the prying eyes of the relatives and said that it should be left to the discretion of the groom to be. Anyhow, the next arrow fired kind of took me off-guard - ‘What kind of a girl do you like?’. I thought for a moment, and replied – ‘Someone who I could talk to for an hour and still keep on talking’. Understanding that there was a whole quiver in store, I ran away.

After a quarter century of lifetime, I have come across many people – more males than females, courtesy the all boys school till class 12 and then IIT. Being the non-shy types or may be for being a Virgoan - I have always been able to mix freely with girls and had my share of crushes & infatuations. From making birthday cards, to writing poems and waiting at the bus stand at 7 a.m. missing school to get her glimpse, to talking over the phone for hours and a few more - all got nipped in the bud. Then finally when something lasted longer than the lifespan of a butterfly, it was harshly proved that in Matrix of reality, the one you who you imagine to be the one, does not necessarily turn out to be so.

Society at large favors the temperate over the mercurial, timid over the revolutionary. I do feel that there is some sense of rationality about certain norms or else there would be complete anarchy. But considering our super hypocritical Indian society where there is very little room for individuality and any sort of deviant behavior is quickly branded as an aberration – one needs to take charge in certain cases.

Sometimes when I think of the happiest and most cherished memories of my life, they have something in common – of being uncontrolled and uninhibited. Those that rise from within, where there’s the element of anticipation, surprise, excitement and adrenaline rush.

Our preferences and choices are shaped by our lifestyle, ego, education, society and a multitude of other factors. To find someone who would match up to your ideal list and for things to be happily ever after is nothing but a transition from the Newtonian deterministic world to the Quantum Probabilistic world, where the outcome is simply based on chance - a gamble of sorts.

In such a case, I would any day prefer to roll the dice on my own (as many times as possible) till the right numbers show up rather than someone else (arbitrary pundit in most cases) doing the same. There would at least be something to cherish (even the finger prints on the cheek) and more importantly the satisfaction of being solely responsible for the outcome.

So, here I am – 25, Male & Single asking all those females who endorse my views mentioned above – “What’s your Rashee?”

P.S. Inputs w.r.t to better starters would be highly appreciated :P

Entrepreneurship - From Amorphous to Crystalline

Over the last two years of being a full-time entrepreneur, I have come across an overwhelming number of people, places, ideas and emotions. With so much information, one needs to clear the clutter and make things simple. Just like light falling on a surface, I have divided my experiences into three categories: reflected rays (those which got rejected), absorbed (those that made sense and had an impact) while others that got transmitted (were too complex to comprehend).

To shine like a diamond, one needs to focus on the rays that one absorbs and reflect them internally. Some of the most significant things that I can remember being told and relate to are:

Mrs. J. Solomon (ex-Principal, South Point High School) – ‘Give value to the society & the society will give you 100 times in return’ –> Honesty & Integrity

Prof. H.S. Ray (IIT Khararpur professor) – ‘Always think big as it takes nearly the same effort to do something small’ -> Vision

Mr. H.K. Chaudhary (Visionary Entrepreneur & Director of Vikram Group) – ‘My servant is a nice person. If I gave him Rs. 5 lacs, he’d not know what to do with it and return the same next day. You cannot run a business with nicety and warmth. -> Professionalism & Discipline

Mr. Anindya Dutta (IIT Kharagpur senior, friend & mentor) - ‘Do something so well, that it becomes your signature. Once people recognize your signature, you can sign anything and it’ll become gold’. –>Focus

Mr. Pradip Agarwal (Dad) – ‘Whatever you’ll do, you’ll do well’ –> Confidence

With the above five qualities being imperative to success in anything in life, an entrepreneur needs to be confused, inquisitive and constantly learn and derive inspiration from the surroundings. An entrepreneur needs to shuffle from being a dreamer to a pragmatist, a dictator to a liberal and a myriad of contradictions & complex roles. It is therefore important to be like a Swan - Calm on the surface, but vigorously always paddle underneath.

What can be intrinsic to an individual may be latent or absent in others – after all we are all wired in a different manner. The basic principles that may work for an individual, do not necessarily work for a group. The challenge therefore lies in creating an ecosystem that would manage diversity and make sure that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. For this to happen, there needs to be utmost clarity with respect to the vision, targets, leadership, talents, responsibilities, accountability and incentives.

The most successful societies, organizations and teams have been those that have been able to create a system that gets people to work at the edge of their comfort zone.

Be it a poet, an artist or an entrepreneur, he needs time to reflect in peace and give shape and direction to the turbulences created by the zeal to create and innovate. For the last 6 months or so, I have been trying to encapsulate the gamut of ideas that like entropy keeps on increasing. Perhaps it would be another unsuccessful attempt tonight, but who cares.

Structuring - the quest from amorphous to crystalline continues.